health
Currently, I'm doing my best to keep my head above water. It does feel like I'm impulsively living day to day, though.
I'm currently job searching, as a back up plan had let me go due to budget reasons. Because of that my schedule's weird. Depression and demand avoidance is making it hard but I know I'll get through it. I'm in contact with some resources to help me with it.
If anything, I'm hanging out with socializing with friends more and trying new things. It's been helping me at the very least.
art
Been feeling iffy with my art recently. It's possible that these feelings could be from the depression I mentioned in the last section (I have been struggling to find the motivation to draw...) but I noticed this trend recently. The best way I can put it is: art identity crisis.
The best way I can put it is that I feel pretty numb about the things I've been drawing in recent years. It's enjoyable yeah, otherwise I wouldn't draw it, but I don't feel anything much in the long term. I feel like I'm in a stalemate and it feels like that for a while. I'd like to draw because I like to rather than because it's something I know I can do. I'd like to make the type of art I did from 2020-2022 but it feels like I can't.
It's definitely something that needs exploring and time. Just right now it annoys and frustrates me...
One thing I've always wanted to draw more was action scenes.
I draw pretty stationary works because it's the easiest for me and that grew into a habit of drawing similar things over the years. I've practice drawing action scenes before but they were always on and off.
Watching the things I'll be talking about in the mini media log helped pushed me a bit in drawing some of it. My weekly taekwondo classes (which I have been frequenting more) have also pushed me.
They're fun to draw. I'm still anxious about my line confidence and making sure the pose and energy to it. I always feel like my sketches have more "oomph" to it than when I clean it up a bit more.
mini media log
Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Bladeworks
Many of the people I follow are fans of TYPE-MOON's Fate series, more specifically Fate/Grand Order. A few would post things here and there about characters that always intruige me to know the full context of it. My initial impressions of the franchise was that it was really big to get into. So, naturally, the question is: Where do I start?
I started with the anime adaptation of Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Bladeworks (2014) following Verse's Fate/Stay Night manifesto. I took this as a way to bite into the franchise before deciding whether or not to commit. This adaptation covers one of three routes in the first game Fate/Stay Night. There is an adaptation of the Fate and Heaven's Feel route that are separate.
Another push for me to watch it was hearing that the voice actor Kaiji Tang (who I knew for playing Ichiban Kasuga in the English dub of the Yakuza series). There was a compilation of clips of some of his lines as Archer. Looking back, the lines were in order retrospective to the episodes but it intruiged me enough to want to know more about the character and what's happening in the story.
This has been the second time I've binged through an anime series before (granted, I had to sleep...). Overall, I had a really fun time! I do wish I took my time with it but, yeah, I still had fun and I'm interested in exploring the franchise more.
My first impressions going in was: The concept was pretty easy to follow. I like battle royales and the master-servant system really resonates with me, as someone who loves interesting duo dynamics. A lot of great potential there.
I adore Rin's and Archer's relationship. Their introductions was a delight. I loved how Archer's cockiness and dismissal of Rin's abilities forced out her an act of brattiness, using a command seal. I loved how their relationship developed into actually respecting each other and working well together. They build a trust and care for each other. I love the little times where Archer catches and carries Rin.
SPOILERS
Which makes what happens after that hurt later on.
The feral side of me wanted them to fight against each other but, honestly, Rin screaming his name after he died was worth it for me.
I also love how Rin is just... in the Holy Grail War for the game. She has no wish that needs granting. She's just in it for the game (and family obligation but she doesn't seem too pressured by it). She's holding down the fort as best she could and I love her so much for that.
Honestly, a lot of the things that irked me, could definitely be explained that this is an anime adaptation. The original Fate/Stay Night is a visual novel. Adaptations are technically never one-to-one because each medium uses a different set of tools to tell their story. With the anime, a lot of character's thoughts are lost.
SPOILERS
One example of this is Archer's story.
His story is straight up my alley. I love it. He's trying to nip the bud at to something that caused his existence so much pain and misery. He is literally facing his younger self, questioning his previous philosophy. On the flip side, Archer's very existence and goal in this war forces Shirou to confront things about himself. He's meeting a future version of himself that is miserable with the ideals he so desires. There's nothing bad about wanting to be a hero, right? So, how did he get there? How could he avoid it?
I feel like my one complaint with this story is the execution in the anime. How Shirou himself feels regarding the idea before his fight with Archer isn't brought up a lot aside from the first few episodes. During the middle part of the show, it had to be dropped off to mere mentionings before it came back around, which made the Archer fight lack oomph. I feel like this is more of an adaptation issue as, if I understand correctly, told through Shirou's perspective (which would mean that a lot of his thoughts had to be cut out due to adaptation and/or time reasons).
This also must be very awkward for Rin: Fighting alongside a possible future version of her love interest, who is caring beyond belief, become someone so jaded and pulling shit like that. This leads to her having to try everything in her power to prevent that.
The anime adaptation is handled by a studio called Ufotable. I don't think I've actually watched any shows by them before but I've heard amazing things in this video several years ago, showing clips of the other Fate entries they'll later adapt. Overall, the animation quality was very consistent throughout the show. I also liked the colors as well!
Here's a little taste of the fight scenes (Note: You might have to watch this video directly on YouTube due to embedding permissions):
I am really happy that Fate/Stay Night has multiple routes. There were characters I wanted to get to know more (Rider.... my dearly beloved...) and relationships I want to see more of (Shirou's and Saber's earlier interactions were really cute but, due to the nature of adapting a single route, it did have to get pushed aside). I also feel confident that some of these answers will be answered in other routes.
Long story short: The fact that the game has multiple routes makes me feel confident and interested in seeing more!
Admittedly, I am tempted to get back into archery thanks to Archer, who barely does any archery. I do like his versatile fighting style.
KPop Demon Hunters
I impulsively watched this with a friend recently. I knew almost nothing about it aside from the name (love the simplicity of it honestly) and the main trio.
The story itself is pretty simple. Some things I wish were expanded on (ex. Rumi's parents, Mira and Zoey, who the remaining four Saja boys were previously) but the movie was such a delight that it didn't bother me too much.
The first thing I noticed was: I love how expressive the girls are. They're cute. They're stylish. They're cool but they're also fucking weirdos. I love that the animators allowed them to express those weird, even ugly exagerrated expressions.
The HUNTR/X's relationship to each other is also a delight. Those ugly expressions and their goofy behavior shows how comfortable they are with each other. It's such a strong bond that is heartwarming to see. My personal favorite is Mira, though I think I'd be more of a Zoey personality wise lol
I also wasn't expecting the animation to be so colorful and snappy! I didn't fully process that it was done by SONY Animations, who (from what I'm seeing) is pushing in the 3D animation field since Into the Spiderverse (I still need to watch the second movie... and go through the artbook I got of the first...). Animation has a huge place in my heart so just watching the visuals made me so happy.
I have some history with k-pop, however it was around the 2010s. I know the scene has definitely changed now. I also have some friends who are fans of k-pop so I've been able to pick up a bit of how the fandoms work. Despite not knowing a lot about it now, it feels like there was a lot of love in the topic during production. The movie just oozes fun.
Though the industry issues of overworking idols is still an issue that should be discussed, I appreciate the subversion here of the girls living and working comfortably. Their manager Bobby is sweet, supportive and, thankfully, doesn't exhibit any of the behaviors that're commonplace in the industry. The fact that they also address each other fondly says a lot too.
Most importantly, the music! I love all of the songs, which also surprised me. There's enough variety among them to keep things fresh during viewing but it also made me appreciate each song individually.
My personal favorites are: Your Idol, Takedown and What it Sounds Like. I listen to Your Idol and Takedown more but I love the lyrics in What it Sounds Like, especially the chorus.
There's so many layers in Your Idol that it's a treat. To summarize it crudely: I fuck so hard with this sickly sweet cult-like manipulation here. It's telling me everything's alright and that I can solely rely on this person before I succumb to fear and get sacrificed to the most evillest thing in existence.
The darker visuals with the small bits of colorful lighting help as well. I do wish we got the more contemporary outfits for the Saja Boys seen in concept art but I love the traditional jeoseung saja fits regardless!
misc.
CitrusCon
I went to CitrusCon this year!
I had been to the one the year before and had a great time then too. The one thing I wished I did more was be more active in the chats, which I did do a bit more this year (I also wished I did more but I'm happy with the progress I made).
The panels I went to were a delight. The surprising thing to me was that I saw a few folks I follow there as well!
There was a few regarding fansites and the indie web! Many panel goers had their own sites they shared. When I can, I'm going to try and go through all of them.